SoonerDudes Cold Hard Facts: August Edition
Speculation: Best served SOONER rather than later
Ladies and gentlemen … Boys and girls … Sooners and losers …
The time has come for you to develop some fortitude—yes, the kind that is in your “downtown.” It’s August, and as a fan you have one job to do: Speculate!
What's in store for this guy in '09? Hardware, that's what!
I’m not talking about the kind of predictions that you make after hours of research. Those don’t count. Don’t watch game tape from last year. Trust me, I believe you when you say that you are an expert of defensive schemes and it really would be unfair for you to provide your analysis. Don’t read Phil Steele’s prediction of the ’09 season. Definitely don’t go to ESPN, foxsports.com, cnnsi.com, or any other sports publication. In fact, stick to the boards where speculation has been turned into a science for your info. You think I’m joking but I am dead serious! When ILUVSOONERSDIEUTERIS or ADSHOULDAWUNDAHYSMAN28 posts on the boards that he/she heard that Bradford (aka the Big Easy) once threw a football over them mountains (est. distance of 10km), you send out an email to all your friends and tell them that, without a doubt, Bradford is going to double his production from last year. That’s right folks, Sam’s going for over 9400 yds. of production this year.
Why, you ask? Because it’s August, baby! It’s the time of year that you cannot be held accountable for anything you say. What fun is it to predict that the Sooners are going to win the big 12 championship 10 games into the season, anyway? The way I see it, the best part about college football is setting lofty goals for your respective team. It’s the endless conversations we have about our favorite teams and the young men that make them up that makes the season so fun. So get started early. And just like a good political conversation, disputing the probable goals for your team is best when you are completely clueless—it frustrates your opponent and leaves them in a cloud of confusion and anger that doesn’t wash off for days, maybe even weeks. Just make sure you believe what you say without a reasonable doubt. Make sure you yell when people tell you that you are wrong—I mean it, really get mad, because it’s more fun that way.
I asked the dudes to make a bold prediction for this year. Schooner Phil and The Buck didn’t disappoint. Their statements are as lofty as ever. I know in my heart they believe our Sooners will achieve greatness this year, I mean we do this every year. In fact, my boys are probably stopping strangers on the DC metro to inform them that this year’s Sooner team is better than most NFL teams, and that we would only lose to the patriots if Belichick brought his army of spies.
So after 10 minutes of solid thinking, without any true analysis and definitely without any reservation, I present you the Sooner Dudes Cold Hard Facts for August:
SchoonerPhil: “OU wins number 8. Period”
The Buck: “Oklahoma will achieve a decisive victory in the 2009 Red River Rivalry and the Sooners’ defense will hold the Longhorns to under 20 points. Texas will lose a second regular season game to Oklahoma State and miss out on the Big XII Championship Game. The Sooners will bring home their fourth consecutive Big XII title.”
CapitolSooner: “Austin English will be our best defensive linemen. He is back and healthy and at this juncture only one thing can stop him and that is zero-gravity: without being overly scientific the lack of gravity would neutralize his superior manimal instincts and strength.”
There you have it. A national title, a conference title, and the resurrection of a lost hero. And until proven otherwise, these are the cold hard facts about Sooner Football. Man, I love August!
